On this Guru Pournima, let me share the story of how I found my spiritual guru. This long story not only makes for a beautiful reading with its vivid and heartfelt narrative, but also embeds several subtle points on Guru Tattva and on spiritual sadhana in general.

A stranger called me from UK in mid-2004. I normally don't take calls from unknown numbers, but felt like taking that call. He introduced himself as Dr Manish Pandit, a nuclear medicine expert in UK. He thanked me for my Jyotish software "Jagannatha Hora". Then he suddenly declared, "you're doing a lot of pujas, but not experiencing anything. Time has come for you to experience the essence."

I thought to myself, "What is this nonsense? Who does he think he is?" I didn't take him seriously, but there was some mystery about him in my mind.

He kept calling me now and then. I somehow felt like answering everytime he called. Interestingly, everytime he called, he discussed some spiritual topic I had recently contemplated (as if he read my mind). When I mentioned it to him, he simply laughed and said, "it's not like I can read your mind. I have no idea. Mother probably wanted to answer you and simply used me as an instrument." That simplicity and humility impressed me.

I was still uncomfortable as he talked a lot about things I considered "impure" at that time. Though I was a Smartha by birth and we worship both Vaishnava and Shaiva Devatas, I was mostly a devotee of Lakshmi and Narayana then. And there he was, talking about right vs left handed Tantra, Aghora, Kali, Tara, Smashana Tara, Chhinnamasta, Bagalamukhi, Dhumavathi, Bhairavi etc. I was in the mindset then that Tantra, Ugra Devatas etc were for Tamasik people and Saattwik people just surrender to Narayana or Shiva. Also I was more into Vedanta and Bhakti rather than Tantra, Ugra Devatas etc. I was a bit put off.

He made a special Rudraksha mala for me in Nov 2004 and sent it to me (without my asking). He said he made it on Deepavali and a centipede came near him while he was making it (he said it was not normal to see them indoors in Manchester, UK). Centipede is a good omen (represents Lakshmi).

He asked me to do a small sadhana with it - meditate with Gayatri mantra 2 malas everyday (using that rudraksha mala). He asked to just follow standard rules (same time and same place everyday, brahmacharya, neck, back and head straight during meditation, eyes closed, not distracted by any inner sight/sound experienced during meditation and just focus on the mantra).

Mind you - he never pressured me to start the sadhana. He didn't even gently inquire whether I started or when I would start. He completely left it to me and patiently waited. He just kept calling me now and then and talking about other things. I ignored his suggestion for 6 months.

Since 1999, I've been doing Satya Narayana puja on every Full Moon night. After that puja on Vaisakha Pournima in May 2005, a sudden inspiration came that I should do the sadhana Manish suggested in Nov 2004.

I thought: I may be put off by his references to Tantra etc. But what he asked me to do is purely saattwik. Why not try it? Moreover, it takes just 15-20 minutes daily.

I started the very next morning (still Vaisakha Pournima).

After a few days, I started seeing bright light (with eyes closed) or feel like my body was rotating very fast or was slanted in one direction or some parts of the body were super hot, during meditation. Manish told me to ignore all that and just focus on the mantra.

In the third week of the sadhana, I experienced essentially what Swami Vivekananda experienced in his second meeting with Ramakrishna Paramahamsa when Ramakrishna placed his foot on Vivekananda's chest. In this case, Manish did not touch me - he was on the other side of the ocean and our physical connection was just that Rudraksha mala he sent.

It happened on a Friday evening in early June. I did Gayatri mantra in the morning as usual. On every Friday evening since Jan 1994, I chant Lakshmi Ashtottara Shata Nama Stotram (Lakshmi's 108 name prayer) 108 times. I used the same Rudraksha mala for counting on that day. I was mentally chanting Lakshmi's 108-name prayer with my back, neck and head straight and eyes closed. The thought at the back of my mind while chanting was "Mother, please come and live in my heart, transform me and take control of me".

While I was mentally chanting with good focus, something extraordinary happened.

It suddenly felt like there was a huge explosion at the base of my spine (with a sound I "heard" clearly and a blast sensation I "felt" clearly). Then it felt like a huge bolt of electricity was surging up my spine very fast.

In a split second, my self-awareness totally changed. I no longer felt that I was a "body" and that there was a bolt of electricity moving up "inside" me. Instead, I felt like I was a tiny point in a surging electric wave. Then, in a split second, it changed again and it felt like I, a point, was shooting up at infinite speed and there was no electricity or any sensation.

Then I felt like there was extremely bright light and I was a tiny point in it. In a split second, the self-awareness again changed from being a point in that bright light to just being that bright light. There was nothing other than that bright light. There was no thought. I was not chanting anything. I was just that bright light. It felt unbelievably calm, stable and there was a sense of finality to it. There were no thoughts of any kind. Not sure how long that "state" persisted.

Don't know how, but the state of "no thoughts" was perturbed by a singular thought that suddenly arose, "what happened to my body?" There was no panic or anything - it was just like an inquiry.

That's it - the moment that thought arose, my self-awareness again transformed in a split second. It felt like I was a point falling at an infinite speed. In another split second, it felt like I was a human body and a bolt of electricity was coming down "my" spine. Self-awareness settled down in another split second to its "normal" state.

Slowly, I opened my eyes and was able to see and hear "normal" things in the house. I could feel my body and the Rudraksha mala in my hands. Slowly, the awareness became quite "normal". I finished my 108 times chanting (I was close to the end when this happened) and went from puja room to the family room. My wife was watching a TV show.

It was so weird - it genuinely and confidently felt like the familiar "reality" around me was somehow "fake" and what I "experienced" during the meditation was the only real thing. There was such conviction and confidence about that!

It will sound weird, unless one experiences oneself directly, but my wife watching TV and characters in the TV show felt pretty similar (in their being not really real). The room and the house felt like a set in the TV show. It is tough to articulate, but it was a weird state. Mind was in a kind of daze, as though I was coming to terms with something new and transient (even though what was around me was quite familiar for years). It took a few hours for that "hangover" kind of feeling to wear off and for me to feel "fully normal" with the regular "reality" around me.

It was a completely life-changing experience and opened my eyes to layers of reality and the underlying absolute reality.

Manish was traveling and was unavailable for over a week.

When I finally mentioned the experience to Manish, he laughed and said, "don't think of this as an achievement - this is just the beginning! And, good it happened - now an irreversible change has been triggered (laughs)."

We kept talking, but he never told me he was my guru. He actually treated me with respect and always said "pranaam" and acted humbly, even while guiding me (and molding my thinking!) very well.

Several similar and not-so-similar supernatural experiences happened several times in the next few years, sometimes while meditating and sometimes while just living life.

Swami Sathasivom is a traditional Sivacharya and the head priest of Chennai Kalikambal temple, where Sadguru Samarth Ramdas explicitly sent Shivaji Maharaj to worship Divine Mother before a major battle.

We were introduced in Aug 2005 (a couple of months after the above experience) and became very close immediately.

In late Sept 2005, I met Manish physically when he came to Seattle for a medical conference. I had some interesting experiences in those 2 days. I could see that he was being himself - natural and spontaneous and not trying to adhere to any stereotypes of a spiritual sadhaka. He made an indelible impact on me.

In early Oct 2005, during Navaratris, Swami Sathasivom conducted an elaborate Chandi Homa in our backyard. That was the first time I heard/read Chandipath (Durga Saptashati). As I am a Sanskrit scholar (I had passed Sanskrita Bhasha Kovida and Sanskrita Bhasha Visharada, both equivalent to BA in Sanskrit, by the time I was 11) of an intellectual bent, a lot of symbolism in the stories in Durga Saptashati hit home the very first time. I instantly overcame a lot of my foolish aversion for Ugra Devatas. I was starting to find my balance. Continuing interactions with Manish also helped me find my clarity and balance.

I could understand the role/meaning/purpose of various traditions and Devatas - Ugra or Soumya, Vaishnava or Shaiva or Shaakta, Vaidika or Tantrika - and see that Tamasik, Rajasik and Saattwik approaches exist in each path, but not in the way my original biases imagined. It is more based on the person's vasanas rather than the Devata or the path followed.

Manish told me in Dec 2004, based on his intuition, that a terrible disaster would befall south India due to Kanchi Shankaracharya's arrest around Deepavali. He specifically mentioned Dattatreya Jayanti of 2004 as the day of this disaster.

There was indeed a tsunami on that exact day. I found the coincidence interesting, though my logical mind could not accept any causation along the lines Manish conceived.

In late 2005, Manish again had an intuition that a bigger disaster would befall India if Shankaracharya wasn't freed. This time, he felt we needed to intervene and avert, as we had a rina with the institution of Shankaracharya. He felt that we should do a Shata Chandi Homa with a specific sankalpa involving Swami Jayendra Saraswati (Kanchi Shankaracharya). I was taking Manish more seriously by this time.

He said he'd look for a hall in Pune and asked me to also look in Hyderabad or Chennai.

Anna (Swami Sathasivom) used to visit our home frequently at the time. When I told him about Manish's sankalpa, he immediately declared, "no need to find any hall - our temple will be perfect for this. You and Manish just decide the days and come. I'll arrange everything."

When I mentioned it, Manish said in a trance-like voice, "yes, we have a rina with that temple. It has to be there only."

Plans were made for a Shata Chandi Homa in early 2006 at Chennai Kalikambal temple. I went to Chennai one week before the event. Anna drove us to 30+ temples across south India during that week and it was a great experience. Manish landed in Chennai just the day before the event.

Just before Manish came, Anna took us to a Siddhar in Chennai outskirts, whom he knew well and respected. When the Siddhar saw me, he told Anna pointing at me, "He is a rishi who came to earth for an important work. He is a close associate of (name of one of saptarshis)".

He looked up for a few moments with closed eyes and marvelled with a lot of excitement, "Oh, what he's going to do this time, what he's going to do!"

Ego started its work - I started feeling "special" and started wondering what "special work" I was going to do on earth. 😃😥

When Manish arrived that evening, I told him about what the Siddhar said about me.

Manish looked at me seriously for a second and said very calmly and in a very low voice, "Narasimha, the state first. Narasimha, the IIT topper. Narasimha, the engineer. Narasimha, the Jyotish scholar. Narasimha, the Sanskrit scholar and poet. Narasimha, the spiritual sadhaka. Isn't the challenge of overcoming all these identities enough for this life? Do you really need to add on new identities from past lives?" Then he laughed.

I was upset for a second, but the reality and wisdom of what he said hit me like a bolt!

I reflected on Manish's words and realized my folly. Reading Upanishads and understanding Vedanta intellectually is one thing and imbibing its essence in all thoughts and instincts is quite another.

I thought I was a Vedantin and he was more into Tantra. But here he was - directing me subtly to Vedantic truths!

It really dawned on me that being free is the real goal and not being special! In fact, being "special" can end up being a big trap!

Also, special things are not done by wanting to be special or by wanting to do special things. Be an instrument through which Mother can act and just let Mother act. Don't overthink the importance of what you do. Take doing something many applaud and doing something that leads to ridicule from many, with the same spirit and acceptance. Just do what you are inspired to do from within and in a position to do - stupid or wise, routine or special. Just act in each episode and scene sincerely and let the Play's director (Mother!) take care of the full screen play over time!

That Shata Chandi Homa was intense and special. By the way, it was during that event that Mother gave a darshan to Manish and gave a command to spread simplified Homa in the world and enable anyone interested in making individual spiritual progress and contributing to increase of Dharma in the world, to do a simple Homa by oneself.

During the course of that week-long Shata Chandi Homa, I felt a lot of clarity and a lot of pre-existing scriptural knowledge became internalized.

I truly realized that it was Manish and his simple words from time to time that totally transformed me in the previous year or two. I fully realized that he had already been my Guru and done the work of Guru!

Having found that clarity, I told him one evening that I saw him as Guru now.

He simply said, "sure, you can think of me as your Guru, though these tags and titles don't really matter. Whatever Mother wants to give you through me, She will. Anyway, we do have a rina that goes back a long time and we will do some things together."

As simple as that!

This is really how genuine gurus operate. No entitlement, no pride, no hubris. Humble and efficient instruments molding their sishyas under divine inspiration, whether or not credited, whether or not accorded a high pedestal. No blame games, no show offs, no sycophancy, no emotional blackmails, no exploitation showing a distant oasis, no power games.

And much more giving than taking!

Before I conclude, I want to emphasize that the "experience" I mentioned in this writing is neither necessary nor sufficient for spiritual progress or eventual liberation. Even a brush with absolute reality is useless if one is back in normal reality with all of one's baggage intact and is not inspired to try to reduce baggage.

Moreover, fantasizing about experiences, Kundalini awakening, Kundalini rise, various states of samadhi etc can be counter-productive - it can lead to saturation in a half-baked state or even outright delusions.

By the way, when I had the experience, I didn't know much about Kundalini, nadis, chakras etc and yet it happened. I read books after the fact, which helped me understand it intellectually.

IMHO, one better not think in terms of experiences or run after them. What is important is to get rid of one's baggage, refine one's vasanas and improve one's ability to perform inspired actions with sincerity and yet full detachment. Special experiences may facilitate such progress in some cases but also distract and derail in many!

Such experiences may come if there is a desire from the past and enough punya to fulfill the desire, but again they are neither necessary nor sufficient for spiritual progress.

Last point: I normally like to keep these things to myself, but wanted to record it once.

Manish and I never wanted to be put on a high pedestal and always focused on the message (viz importance of regular Homa, Tarpana etc) rather than personalities. Hopefully this writing will not divert people's focus from the message to personalities.

I have experienced some things and have clarity on some important things, but I have my own faults and weaknesses and I know that. It is better for both me and others, if people focus on my message and leave me alone.

Also, Manish need not do the same thing he did with me, with everyone who approaches him (with whatever agenda). In fact, there have been people who approached him but were quite unimpressed and left. It's all a play of rinas in the end.

So the takeaway from this writing should not be that we are special or great gurus.

When one is ready, guidance can come from anywhere. Focus on your own readiness!

Also, try to avoid any preconceived notions of what happens when one is ready - it may be different for different people! Moreover, preconceived notions are often a huge distraction.

Meanwhile, some things we have made available to all (e.g. Homa manuals, Tarpana manuals, Shaabar mantras etc) may help you with that readiness and so please consider them and benefit from them.

May we become worthy enough to be guided by the Guru Tattva present across the universe. May great Gurus, Rishis and Devatas gently prod us to walk the correct path (correct for us) and slowly remove imperfections afflicting our manas, buddhi and chitta!

Happy Guru Pournima to all of you! 🙏

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